We return now to Church Searches of Mark’s Life. But I’m dispensing with the soap opera music. And after a lot of thought, I’m going to dispense with a lot of details, too. For what comes next is one of those tangled stories where it’s very difficult to be fair. If I tell you one thing, then to be fair, I would need to tell something else, which would require more explanation. And before long, you’d have a tell-all that opens old wounds and is beyond the purposes of this blog. And things are cool now between me and Big Dallas Bible, and I want to keep it that way.

And be aware that this episode occurred ten years ago. I’m confident that God has been working at Big Dallas Bible, as He has in changing me. Given the opportunity, I would do things differently. I’m confident my protagonists would as well.

Still, this episode has had a big effect on my view of what makes a good church. So sticking to only relevant and necessary facts, here goes:

Big Dallas Bible Church (This and all names in this entry are changed.) slowly but surely changed while I was there, more than I realized at the time. It became bigger and more like a business. I only noticed subtle changes at first. The pastor wore coat and tie more. And there was a corporate pyramid chart of all the staff in the church directory. I don’t know when they began that chart indicating the flow of authority. But it got bigger every year. Some people changed, too. Bob, who had been easy to volunteer under and became a friend, rose up the pyramid and became harder to please.

The once-healthy Singles group went through its ups and downs. I started going to a large singles group at another church while BDBC’s group shrank to nothing, literally, before restarting and growing again.

But I still enjoyed being involved at BDBC, even if it wasn’t quite as good a fit as when I joined it.

But then, there was a sudden exercise of power against me by Bob and another staffer. As part of that, I was restricted as to what ministry I could do. They did this in spite of the fact that, by their own admission, I was faithful and teachable in my involvement at BDBC and had done nothing wrong.

Guessing their motives would be pointless and speculative. Their explanations at the time didn’t hold much water with me. They said my life was out of balance, but whose isn’t? And it wasn’t like I wasn’t making efforts, with some progress, to get my life more in balance.

It did eventually become clear that my singleness was held against me. Even the fact that I lived alone out in the country was held against me.

This all hit me during probably the weakest part of my adult life. Singleness continuing into my thirties had dragged me down into frequent depression. My involvement in ministry was an important bright point in my life that kept me going. Having that taken away, even partly, was devastating. And the conflict was hard for me to handle as well. Certainly, my weakness made it difficult for me to handle myself well in this situation. Thank God that He acted to affirm and strengthen me in the midst of this.

Still, this was burning me out so much I once took about a week off from spending time in prayer and Bible study, as well as any church activity. I told God I needed a vacation from Him and would be back. He was gracious and the time did me good. But this is the only time I’ve skipped more than a day of my quiet times from age 14 until now.

Soon, the big bone of contention was that I supposedly wasn’t submitting enough to them. The fact is I was submitting to them. They just didn’t like me telling them they were wrong, even when God worked in ways to back me up. I bent over backwards trying to work things out. And I made it as clear as I could that I was doing my best to submit to them, but I had to submit to God first. I pleaded with Bob not to force me to choose between his authority and God’s. No, he didn’t appreciate me saying that, either. But then I wasn’t Mr. Tact.

In fact, I struggled for six months to work out a resolution, perhaps too long in hindsight and with too many words from me, too. My view was that it would be wrong to leave my local church unless there were compelling reasons. I had never left a church for reasons other than moving. (My views have since moderated on this.)

As friends helped me through this, I became aware that my situation wasn’t so isolated. I became aware of past staff power plays against people much more godly than I.

It eventually became clear that I could not stay in peace. So I finally went to the elders and asked that I could leave in peace. Their response was to ask me to stay, which I appreciated. But they agreed to my request.

(I should add here that one elder was especially helpful. Even after I left, he met with me to give me good instruction that helped me become a more together guy. I suspect he agreed with me in the dispute although he wouldn’t say so, which is proper and understandable.)

I came one last Sunday to say goodbye to friends. I remember as I was driving home that I felt free, that a weight had been lifted off me.

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1

In those trying months, this verse had gotten a grip on me. Now I sought a church where I could be free to follow Christ wherever He led me.