Not unlike Roe v Wade, Friday’s Judicial Coup has
already made our divisions worse – which is to be expected. When one closes off constitutional
democratic means to address an issue, the losing side becomes angry and
resentful (and rightly so) and the winning side is tempted to become
insufferable in victory, to put it nicely, and often gives into said
temptation.
As Rebecca Hamilton writes, this has already affected even relationships. Perhaps I should say this has especially affected relationships:
The Supreme Court sent a number of people my way
since last Friday, all of them looking for solace in the face of personal
attacks they had suffered because of the decision on gay marriage. They
called me on the phone, approached me after mass, in checkout lines and while I
was running errands. I also had internet encounters of the same type that went
far beyond the boundaries of my community and my personal friends.
Here’s the summarized version of what they told me:
There was a lot of yelling and screaming in certain
circles this weekend. It was directed at Christians in their personal, and,
heretofore, safe personal relationships. It was also directed at priests who
spoke about the decision from the pulpit. One friend, who gave me permission to
discuss this, witnessed an ugly blow-up at a longstanding poker game she and
her husband go to. The people there hold diverse opinions about matters of
faith and morality, but they’ve been meeting for this friendly get-together on
a regular basis for years.
This week, the atheists in the group refused to
practice civility. They cursed the Lord, called Christians bigots and
homophobes and were otherwise verbally insulting. According to my friend, this
began with a celebration on the part of the atheists over Obergefell. She said she
felt like, “OK, you won your deal, have your celebration.” She said the
Christians at the table kept silent.
But when the celebration turned to repeatedly
cursing the Lord and calling Christians ugly names, she said one of the
Christian men told them to shut up. It devolved from there into two men
squaring off to fight one another. At that point, my friend stood up and told
them to stop it.
She said, “I’ve never forced my faith on you. I
don’t come here with a Bible telling you what to do. But you are disrespecting
me and my Jesus and I will not stand for it. You stop this now or my husband
and I are leaving and we won’t be back.”
My friend is the most soft-spoken Hispanic woman
you’d ever meet. I’ve never heard her raise her voice. Not once. Not ever.
She said the room fell silent and everyone sat back
down. But she doesn’t think she and her husband will be back for more fun next
week. They are through with the group.
I’ve heard stories of spouses calling one another
names and people walking out of mass on their priests.
I, too, may have lost at
least one friend of over 15 years.
He posted an obnoxious post on Facebook saying last week was a bad one
for bigots. I let him know that
constitutional democracy was the presenting issue and that his post was deeply
offensive. Instead of engaging
with me at all, I’ve discovered he’s un-friended me. I’ve since messaged him that I thought better of him than to
act that way. But I am not very
hopeful of reconciliation.
But in times like these,
you discover who your real friends are.
And you discover some “friends” really don’t even respect you:
I heard a discussion this weekend in which someone
more knowledgeable in these matters than me said that these kinds of attacks on
the integrity of another person’s soul are always an indicator of disrespect.
They do not respect you and your right to believe as you believe.
Disrespect at this level is disrespect of you as a
person. You have a responsibility to yourself, to God and to the person
attacking you not to accede to this. Mutual respect is the beginning of genuine
trust. It is the foundation on which all good human relationships are built.
If I cannot trust you to respect me as a person
enough to allow me the dignity of making my own choices in matters as
profoundly personal as faith and morality, then I can not trust you at all.
There can be no friendship, no true relationship, without this basic level of
respect and the trust that comes from it.
And it’s difficult to let
friends and family go. You keep on
loving them. But if they
disrespect, even hate you so deeply that they insult you and walk away, then basic
dignity requires you to let them go.
As Hamilton writes, you
stand your ground regardless. You
do not wimp out on Jesus or on his word.
If that loses friends and family then so be it.
Oh, being a Christian
means losing friends and family?
Often, yes. And Jesus told
us so:
“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the
earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a
man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a
daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those
of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy
of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever
does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his
life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”
Matt. 10:34-39
You stand your ground on
the truth, take up your cross of rejection and persecution with the rest of God’s
faithful Holy Church though the centuries, and follow Him.
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