Criteria for my next church, continued

What I’m looking for relationally in a church is different than in the past, in some ways less demanding, in other ways more.

You might remember that a church having plenty of opportunities to find a wife, particularly a lively singles group, was once a big priority for me. Now, getting married is nowhere near the obsessive priority that it once was. And it’s been years since I’ve been to a singles group of any kind. My past priority wasn’t wrong (as some sanctimonious singles seemed to feel at the time). But my priorities have changed.

But having supportive friendships in a church is a bigger priority for me now than in the past. I’m not near as much of a loner as I once was. (I know. That seems to contradict that I don’t want marriage as much, but I’m a complex guy.) I know more than in the past that I need good friends around me for good company and support.

I particularly need support as a single. I’ve seen and experienced that some churches will look down on an older single, thinking something is wrong with him and questioning his motives for his life and ministry choices, even when they are perfectly good and Biblical. I need the opposite in a church. I don’t need a differing measure that says I shouldn’t do this or that because I’m single*. I need a church that supports me – and not just with words – as I seek to follow God’s leading on my life.

(*Obviously, I don’t think churches should support or condone singles being sexually active. That’s the one thing singles shouldn’t do that is perfectly good for marrieds.)

Small Continuing Anglican Church – that’s the one I’ve been checking out – seems to be a good place relationally for me. I already have good SCAC friends. It’s been surprisingly easy to make friends there, and not just friendly acquaintances. After church, there seems to always be invites to lunch and this and that for me and others. People know and like spending time with each other. Few are in a hurry to leave. It’s very easy to get to know people.

It being a small church certainly helps in this area, but I suspect even most small churches don’t excel like this one in being a family.

From what I can tell so far, singles are not treated with a differing measure. I know of at least one older single in a leadership role. But I do need to investigate and ask some questions on attitudes toward singles. I’ll probably get together with the rector and ask him. I think I’ll end up liking what I hear though.

Even though I like SCAC so far, this is a make or break question before I join any church. I never want to be in a situation where I am discouraged or hamstrung in following God’s leading in my life because I’m single. Instead, I know I need my church’s support and encouragement.