There’s a huge issue that’s impossible to avoid as we ponder churchly and worldly things, particularly in Anglicanism: gay marriage. I’m not going to share my every thought on it. But I do have an unusual perspective that’s being overlooked, and the issue can hardly be avoided, so here goes.

I know this is going to sound mean, but hear me out. I’m weary of gays saying they are being deprived of marriage. If anyone is being deprived of marriage out there, hey, join the club.

You see, for most of my life, I wanted to be married in the worst way. But it never came close to happening. And I became discouraged and depressed. I felt marriage was something I wanted and needed . . . that happened to other people.

Finally, at 33 if I recall correctly, I saw I needed to radically trust God in this area, so I gritted my teeth and did so.

And I came to see that I was overrating marriage. Don’t get me wrong – marriage is a great institution made by God. But I saw that I wouldn’t want most marriages and that, as Paul wrote, singleness really does have its advantages.

In any case, almost ten years later, marriage looks even less likely for me (And I want it a lot less.). And, yeah, sometimes I wish I didn’t have to sleep alone.

But there are a lot of non-gay people like me for whom marriage just isn’t going to happen for various reasons. Do we march in the streets and demand God and the world and the church and the laws change for us? (Actually, I practically marched on God asking for marriage, but anyway…)

There are lots of reasons people who desire marriage don’t get that desire met. Being gay is only one of them. And, yeah, lifelong singleness is not easy. (Neither is marriage.)

But does that mean the state and the church should change the definition of marriage after thousands of years?

If that makes some gays feel deprived of marriage, then, like I said, join the club. There’re lots of us here. Sit down and have a drink.